On the pilgrimage
Peace Pilgrimage August 2005
This has been my first stay in Japan and the first time I went to Asia.
Even though the cultural differences are quite striking and I do not speak the language, I felt in an odd way very much at home in Japan. Next to Kyoto, particularly the town of Nagasaki with its surrounding hills and lively city roads with an interesting mixture of old houses with flower covered clay pots in front and tiny gardens in between the rooms next to the modern shiny buildings spoke to me.
Architectonically, I was fascinated by the plain and simple way of building things which often seemed to merge into one another to become one giant, in all shades of black and white glittering chessboard. This sense for sublime reduction was continued in how things were presented in the stores, how people were dressed, on food was displayed on the plates in restaurants, how purchased goods were wrapped in to go.
For someone like me, who has always taken great pleasure in little things, Japan was a feast for the eyes.
I enjoyed not understanding anything. It was quite relaxing to walk through the streets with all the signs I could not read (or only with a really big effort), most of the talk which I could not understand.
I was often eyes only, also a form of reduction.
I discovered my Christian roots in Japan. It might sound odd, because this was a Zen Buddhist pilgrimage and this is the way I am choosing to be trained.
It was very simple: upon seeing my first Japanese monk there in the Zendo do his bows, I realized I can never do it this way. It was just perfect synchronization, thought and effortless. One flow.
First of all, my body is too edgily built. This, I might perhaps, with great effort, be able to overcome through practice, but what I lack is the centuries of –Japanese- Zen practitioners behind. Even something so dear to me like the Heart Sutra will probably never resonate so intimately inside as some of the Medieval Chants do which I grew up with at the church I went to in childhood. Soon after I returned from Japan, I had the opportunity to live in a Catholic monastery. In participating in their services I recognized my deep familiarity with their forms, even though I was not brought up Catholic. However, as far as the Christian content is concerned, I still had to translate, to close gaps, to bring things said or written to my own self in the direct, experiential and fearless way I so much cherish about our practice.
As far as the pilgrimage itself is concerned, I was dipped into my German Karma right away and yet different than previously perceived.
War images, including the whole catastrophe in word, photo film etc. were not knew to me and even more familiar was the fact to come as the (former) aggressor, which for some of my American friends seemed unfamiliar.
My grand parents lost everything in WW II including their will to live, my father was drafted on his 16th birthday two months before the US invasion in France, both of my parents spent their teenage years in war. I read a lot about our history and all of these facts, at least to some extent, have influenced my decision to become a physician.
The new perspective on the pilgrimage was to experience the impersonality of suffering.
Whenever I said I am German, people seemed to be delighted. Everyone seemed familiar with some part of our culture, mostly the musical aspect. Many of the people I spoke with had been to Germany and liked it. Being “excused” from my German karma as far as the chain of effect considering the bombing is concerned (albeit without Hitler, the atomic bomb would probably not have been dropped) allowed me to see how big suffering really is.
It transcends all nations, frontiers or whichever barriers we chose to establish in our minds. Victim and perpetrator are suffering equally. There is no end to it. Also, it does not matter whether I was born by the time of the bombing/ concentration camps or not. I have to take full responsibility for whatever happened then until now and for the future, too. It is all still there, inside, waiting to be unlocked, looked at and released. Action always goes in both direction. Nothing is forgotten.
Which is why I perceived the suffering of the bomb survivors for example often- though only for split seconds- as soo close to my own skin, that, for the first time in many years I got quite sick for a couple of days. There might have been other reasons for this, too, but looking back now, falling ill in perceiving all of the suffering being still so abundant within the Japanese nation even within the new generation seems like an appropriate reaction.
How can I work with the experiences of the travel here, back in Germany?
I never understood the Asian smile.
Whenever Thich Nhat Hanh talks about his smiling meditation, I could feel my entire Germanic clumsiness weighing over me like rarely ever before.
What should I smile at? Why exactly? Even if I do not feel like it? It just did not seem to make sense nor work for me.
One aspect I have been trying to practice with since my return from Japan is to be more kind and to smile more often. Particularly in casual encounters, like at the cashier of the grocery store or when someone at work hands me something and I am in a hurry. It does not take more time and it feels really good. It is a mini break of relaxation, of coming home, within my often hectic days and the return afterwards is always lighter, and a little bit uplifted.
A lot of my work consists of staying calm within what we as physicians might call a normal work day- everything happening parallel, no pauses, a seemingly endless stream of people, phone calls ongoing and numerous decisions to make like checking things on the assembly line.
If I start thinking about all of it, particularly the actual history of my often rather complex patients, them waiting for me, setting their hopes in me and expectations upon me etc. in the context of my daily schedule, I get tensed up very quickly.
Occasionally smiling takes a lot of pressure out of these simple, normal work days. Particularly so in the daily tiny encounters which can often do so much harm by neglecting that they have an impact, too.
And then- just doing one thing after the other, like the old potter in the tiny vault shop in Kyoto, smiling at his bowls one by one.
Meeting Jizo Roshi
Eternally asleep
In his abundant gardens
Under soft evening light
Smell of Jasmine
And a cool breeze
From the mountains
Hibakusha
She bowed to us
With the knowing gaze
of those
who return from hell
May I never forget
Her sweet company
This has been my first stay in Japan and the first time I went to Asia.
Even though the cultural differences are quite striking and I do not speak the language, I felt in an odd way very much at home in Japan. Next to Kyoto, particularly the town of Nagasaki with its surrounding hills and lively city roads with an interesting mixture of old houses with flower covered clay pots in front and tiny gardens in between the rooms next to the modern shiny buildings spoke to me.
Architectonically, I was fascinated by the plain and simple way of building things which often seemed to merge into one another to become one giant, in all shades of black and white glittering chessboard. This sense for sublime reduction was continued in how things were presented in the stores, how people were dressed, on food was displayed on the plates in restaurants, how purchased goods were wrapped in to go.
For someone like me, who has always taken great pleasure in little things, Japan was a feast for the eyes.
I enjoyed not understanding anything. It was quite relaxing to walk through the streets with all the signs I could not read (or only with a really big effort), most of the talk which I could not understand.
I was often eyes only, also a form of reduction.
I discovered my Christian roots in Japan. It might sound odd, because this was a Zen Buddhist pilgrimage and this is the way I am choosing to be trained.
It was very simple: upon seeing my first Japanese monk there in the Zendo do his bows, I realized I can never do it this way. It was just perfect synchronization, thought and effortless. One flow.
First of all, my body is too edgily built. This, I might perhaps, with great effort, be able to overcome through practice, but what I lack is the centuries of –Japanese- Zen practitioners behind. Even something so dear to me like the Heart Sutra will probably never resonate so intimately inside as some of the Medieval Chants do which I grew up with at the church I went to in childhood. Soon after I returned from Japan, I had the opportunity to live in a Catholic monastery. In participating in their services I recognized my deep familiarity with their forms, even though I was not brought up Catholic. However, as far as the Christian content is concerned, I still had to translate, to close gaps, to bring things said or written to my own self in the direct, experiential and fearless way I so much cherish about our practice.
As far as the pilgrimage itself is concerned, I was dipped into my German Karma right away and yet different than previously perceived.
War images, including the whole catastrophe in word, photo film etc. were not knew to me and even more familiar was the fact to come as the (former) aggressor, which for some of my American friends seemed unfamiliar.
My grand parents lost everything in WW II including their will to live, my father was drafted on his 16th birthday two months before the US invasion in France, both of my parents spent their teenage years in war. I read a lot about our history and all of these facts, at least to some extent, have influenced my decision to become a physician.
The new perspective on the pilgrimage was to experience the impersonality of suffering.
Whenever I said I am German, people seemed to be delighted. Everyone seemed familiar with some part of our culture, mostly the musical aspect. Many of the people I spoke with had been to Germany and liked it. Being “excused” from my German karma as far as the chain of effect considering the bombing is concerned (albeit without Hitler, the atomic bomb would probably not have been dropped) allowed me to see how big suffering really is.
It transcends all nations, frontiers or whichever barriers we chose to establish in our minds. Victim and perpetrator are suffering equally. There is no end to it. Also, it does not matter whether I was born by the time of the bombing/ concentration camps or not. I have to take full responsibility for whatever happened then until now and for the future, too. It is all still there, inside, waiting to be unlocked, looked at and released. Action always goes in both direction. Nothing is forgotten.
Which is why I perceived the suffering of the bomb survivors for example often- though only for split seconds- as soo close to my own skin, that, for the first time in many years I got quite sick for a couple of days. There might have been other reasons for this, too, but looking back now, falling ill in perceiving all of the suffering being still so abundant within the Japanese nation even within the new generation seems like an appropriate reaction.
How can I work with the experiences of the travel here, back in Germany?
I never understood the Asian smile.
Whenever Thich Nhat Hanh talks about his smiling meditation, I could feel my entire Germanic clumsiness weighing over me like rarely ever before.
What should I smile at? Why exactly? Even if I do not feel like it? It just did not seem to make sense nor work for me.
One aspect I have been trying to practice with since my return from Japan is to be more kind and to smile more often. Particularly in casual encounters, like at the cashier of the grocery store or when someone at work hands me something and I am in a hurry. It does not take more time and it feels really good. It is a mini break of relaxation, of coming home, within my often hectic days and the return afterwards is always lighter, and a little bit uplifted.
A lot of my work consists of staying calm within what we as physicians might call a normal work day- everything happening parallel, no pauses, a seemingly endless stream of people, phone calls ongoing and numerous decisions to make like checking things on the assembly line.
If I start thinking about all of it, particularly the actual history of my often rather complex patients, them waiting for me, setting their hopes in me and expectations upon me etc. in the context of my daily schedule, I get tensed up very quickly.
Occasionally smiling takes a lot of pressure out of these simple, normal work days. Particularly so in the daily tiny encounters which can often do so much harm by neglecting that they have an impact, too.
And then- just doing one thing after the other, like the old potter in the tiny vault shop in Kyoto, smiling at his bowls one by one.
Meeting Jizo Roshi
Eternally asleep
In his abundant gardens
Under soft evening light
Smell of Jasmine
And a cool breeze
From the mountains
Hibakusha
She bowed to us
With the knowing gaze
of those
who return from hell
May I never forget
Her sweet company






